Been a Long Week

It has been a very long week for me. I have discovered that I do not do alone very well. Ron left last Monday to travel to Pennsylvania on the motorcycle for a week. He made it there safely in 16 hours and then visited family and friends all week. I wanted to be there so very badly, but 1) it would have been a very long ride for me on the bike 2) it's hard to find someone to watch the dogs and 3) there is no way I can get any time off work until a co-worker comes back. So, I'm kind of stuck here. I know he loves it out there and it will always be his home, so he needs to spend time out there. There is always a small part of me that is afraid he won't come back. I know he sometimes regrets moving here. I know he doesn't regret me, just leaving PA and all of his family.

I had great intentions to clean the house top to bottom while he was gone. It seemed like a great idea until he was actually gone. After he left and I dried my tears it seemed like much more fun to just relax on the couch watching TV or reading. So, that is what I did when I got home from work on Tuesday and Wednesday. Thursday after work I got groceries and had my favorite burrito from Adobe for dinner. Friday I had a great time out with Ashley, Sarah and her kids. Yesterday I did a whole lot of nothing. This morning I got my hair cut and since have done nothing. Played Frontierville. Cross stitched a little. Ate a lot. Watching Harry Potter and Twilight again. So very much looking forward to him pulling in the drive way tonight. I know there is no way I'm going to be able to sleep until he's home safe, even though I have work tomorrow.

This week has just made it so obvious how much I rely on him to entertain me. I don't like to do much by myself. I'm even used to him getting groceries with me... although that was much easier and quicker on my own. But I tend to not want to go out and do things for fun on my own. I'd rather just stay in I guess. I know he's going to be super sore when he finally gets home, but I'm hoping for a trip to Grand Haven later this week.

We also made the decision over the past couple of weeks to give the clomid a try again. I still want a baby so bad it hurts. I like my freedom, but feel like I'm missing out on something and I would give up my freedom in a heartbeat if that meant I could have a sweet, cuddly baby. Ron says he's at the point where he doesn't care either way, but I know he's just saying that to try to make himself feel better. So, we're going to give a higher dosage of the clomid a try and see what happens. The last time I was taking it, I was taking the lowest dosage available because I had an ultra conservative doctor. Now I'm going to be taking 100mg. We'll see what happens. They only recommend taking it for six months at a time. So, hopefully it works and I'm pregnant by January... with only one or two babies and not five or six.